An Easy Plan to Unify The Telephone Numbering Systems of Ireland and Northern Ireland.

An Easy Plan to Unify The Telephone Numbering Systems of Ireland and Northern Ireland.

My Modest Telephony Proposal

I realized this could all be done better.  For a better plan, skip to the bottom. 

As some of us are aware,  the UK recently left the EU. And there is a small possibility that Northern Ireland may or may not rejoin Ireland, or may become independent but choose to adopt the Irish +353 international calling code. I don't know what they want to do. I don't live in those places, I'm not telling anybody what they should do with their countries,  I'm just showing you some ideas, just in case that's what happens. 

Current Numbering Plan

This change will be very easy,  because there are very few number doubles already. For land lines, Northern Ireland is currently +44 28 xxxx xxxx. It can currently be dialed from Ireland with 048. 048 xxxx xxxx. So just change the international code and area code to 0353 48 xxxx xxxx. This will only change how other countries call in.  The UK can choose to reserve 028 to call Northern Ireland.  They have plenty of free numbers if they need them. 

Cell phone numbers are more difficult to alter, because as far as I'm aware, each one needs to be done manually.  I could be wrong. However,  I'm trying to minimize phone number changes,  and it's easier to change land line numbers. Northern numbers use the UK's 07xxx xxx xxx format, which conflicts with 074 and 071 in the northwest parts of Ireland (used in places such as Sligo, Manorhamilton, Carrick-on-Shannon, Bundoran Letterkenny, Donegal, Ballybofey, and others.)  Luckily,  Ireland reserved 03 as an expansion code.  Now hear me out  here,  I don't want to use up all of 03. Only the 037 block. 

071 will switch to 0371. 
074 will switch to 0374. 

All the other 03 numbers can still remain reserved for the unforeseeable future. 030-036, 038, and 039 can stay unused, to help expand the rest of the Irish continent when that time comes. 037 numbers other than 0371 and 0374 can be used however Ireland wishes.

Numbering Plan after 

Unification, if it happens

(Another possibility which just occurred to me would be to use 0301 and 0304, which wouldn't even be needed for expansion anyway,  as no area code currently begins with 00)

There will be an adjustment period for 071 and 074 numbers, which is normal for area code changes. After this, Northern Ireland's 07xxx cell numbers can join +353. The UK can choose to allow those numbers to simultaneously remain directly dialable from the UK unless they wish to duplicate them domestically.

This also gives Ireland an extra pool of cell numbers when 08 runs out. However, if Ireland chooses to duplicate UK cell numbers domestically in the future, then the grandfathered Northern Irish 07 numbers would mandatorily need to begin using +44 to call phones who still live in the UK.

In summary, only two land line codes will change, Ireland will mostly not lose an expansion code, and Ireland WILL gain a cell phone expansion code.

Alternate Plan

Ok, I just thought of a better plan. After hours of writing that first plan, and feeling bad for the good people of 071 and 074, AND after presenting my plan to the proper regulatory agency,  I thought maybe it is easier for cell phones to change nowadays than I once believed. If that is the case,  and considering that in the event of a country code change that people will have to change their numbers anyway,  maybe we can leave 071 and 074 alone and just change Northern cell numbers. According to wikipedia, 081, 082, 084, and 088 are available. The UK style cell phones in the 07xxx xxx xxx format could remove the 7 and use 084 xxx xxx xxx (for example) instead. I'm not sure if Ireland can handle eleven digit numbers, that's the only possible issue other than the feasability of changing all those numbers. This also provides a very large pool of numbers in 084.

You're A Wizard, Harry

I did not write this.



“You’re a wizard, Harry. And you’re coming to Hogwarts.” Hagrid said.

“What’s Hogwarts?” Harry asked.

“It’s wizard school.”

“It’s not a public school, is it?”

“No, it’s privately run.”

“Good. Then I accept. Children are not the property of the state; everyone who wishes to do so has the right to offer educational goods or services at a fair market rate. Let us leave at once.”

“Malfoy bought the whole team brand-new Nimbus Cleansweeps!” Ron said, like a poor person. “That’s not fair!”

“Everything that is possible is fair,” Harry reminded him gently. “If he is able to purchase better equipment, that is his right as an individual. How is Draco’s superior purchasing ability qualitatively different from my superior Snitch-catching ability?”

“I guess it isn’t,” Ron said crossly.

Harry laughed, cool and remote, like if a mountain were to laugh. “Someday you’ll understand, Ron.”

Professor Snape stood at the front of the room, sort of Jewishly. “There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don’t expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few who possess, the predisposition…I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.”

Harry’s hand shot up.

“What is it, Potter?” Snape asked, irritated.

“What’s the value of these potions on the open market?”

“What?”

“Why are you teaching children how to make these valuable products for ourselves at a schoolteacher’s salary instead of creating products to meet modern demand?”

“You impertinent boy–“

“Conversely, what’s to stop me from selling these potions myself after you teach us how to master them?”

“I–“

“This is really more of a question for the Economics of Potion-Making, I guess. What time are econ lessons here?”

“We have no economics lessons in this school, you ridiculous boy.”

Harry Potter stood up bravely. “We do now. Come with me if you want to learn about market forces!”

The students poured into the hallway after him. They had a leader at last.

Harry and Ron stood before the Mirror of Erised. “My God,” Ron said. “Harry, it’s your dead parents.”

Harry’s eyes flicked momentarily over to the mirror. “So it is. This information is neither useful nor productive. Let us leave at once, to assist Hagrid in his noble enterprise of raising as many dragon eggs as he sees fit, in spite of our country’s unjust dragon-trading restrictions.”

“But it’s your parents, Harry,” Ron said. Ron never really got it.

Harry sighed. “The fundamental standard for all relationships is the trader principle, Ron.”

“I don’t understand,” Ron said.

“Of course you don’t,” said Harry affectionately. “This principle holds that we should interact with people on the basis of the values we can trade with them – values of all sorts, including common interests in art, sports or music, similar philosophical outlooks, political beliefs, sense of life, and more. Dead people have no value according to the trader principle.”

“But they gave birth to y–“

“I made myself, Ron,” Harry said firmly.

“Give me your wand, boy,” Voldemort hissed.

“I cannot do that. This wand represents my wealth, which is itself a tangible result of my achievements. Wealth is the product of man’s capacity to think,” Harry said bravely.

Voldemort gasped.

“There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist.”

Voldemort began to melt. Harry lit a cigarette, because he was the master of fire.

“The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities. The minimum wage is a tax on the successful. The market will naturally dictate the minimum wage without the government stepping in to determine arbitrary limits.”

Voldemort howled.

“I’m going to sell copies of my wand at an enormous markup,” Harry said, “and you can buy one like everyone else.”

Voldemort had been defeated.

“He hated us for our freedom,” Ron said.

“No, Ron,” Harry said. “He hated us for our free markets.”

Hermione ached with desire for the both of them to master her, but nobody paid her any attention. They had empires to build.

(Credit to Daniel Ortberg of thetoast.com)

I just discovered that thetoast.com doesn't exist anymore. I found this very sad, but I thought this story need to remain on the internet in some form. 

If you own this and don't want it displayed, don't report me, just ask me to remove it like a rational human would.

tree roots

I found a little park with a bunch of redwood tree roots museum. It's somewhere in New York state. 

The Incredibly Fast Spider, In Perspective.

(Inspired by the fact that a spider can run the relative length of a football field in 3 seconds.)

Spider knew he was fast. Very fast. Therefore, he was confident in his ability to properly tend his web, and catch and subdue insects in his web before they have the chance to escape its threads' sticky clutches.

"Blomb!" The vibrations on the strands let the spider know that the web has a new visitor. Spider quickly scurried up the strands to discover a fly, violently thrashing in vain, as it tried to break free.

"Oh, hello there spider!" said the fly, "I appear to be stuck. Do you think you can help me out?"

"Why, of course! I'll be happy to." said spider "Hold still."

The fly patiently waited as spider approached, exposing a sharp fang.

"I assume you're going to use your fang to help me escape." said fly. "Ouch, you accidentally poked me with your fang!"

"That's right." spider hissed. "I'm helping you escape... Escape this mortal coil. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No!" said fly. "This isn't what I expected at all! I can't die, I have dozens of maggots back home in the poop!"

"Oh, what a cruel, merciless fate this is! Oh, the profane suffering! What kind of sadistic creator would allow this invisible obstacle to block my path, yet does not give me a brain stem sufficient enough to understand what spiders and webs are?"

Spider said, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but this is great from my perspective. I'll be eating for weeks!"

Fly said, "Oh yes, good point. It all evens out in the end.". And he died. Slowly.

Suddenly, spider sensed danger. A gigantic beast was lurking nearby. It was the biggest thing that Spider had ever seen. Spider remained completely still.

The enormous monstrosity approached, and tried to attack the spider with its sharp metallic appendage.

"What? I thought I was completely still!" the spider uttered in disbelief. "How could that thing possibly detect my non-moving hairy black body against the white background of this vast windowsill?"

"Perhaps it saw you blink." offered the dead fly.

"It's possible, but perhaps it was your involuntary twitching, done so inconsiderately I might add, from the effects of the venom I so generously injected into you."

"No matter, I gotta get out of here!"

Spider took off, running away at top speed with his super fast running ability. The fastest running in the world, relative to size.

"I think I'm safe now. Six inches seems like a sufficient distance." spider thought. This time he made certain not to blink.

Now spider remained still for a mind-numbingly long time. It was about five seconds. Suddenly, the 4-pringed metallic appendage attacked again.

Spider was shocked. How was he discovered so quickly?

Spider knew what spider had to do. He ran and ran and ran. Spider ran as fast as he could, for as long as he could endure. Up, up over the wooden sill, up the cold glass wall, dashing at lightning speed up the cold, smooth, barren landscape.

After what felt like an eternity, and exhausted spider realized he had traversed the greatest distance he ever traveled in his entire life. It was about seventeen inches. Spider never imagined ever being able to run this far.

"The foul beast can't possibly find me here!" Spider relaxed, knowing that the grand distance between he and the fork monster could never be violated.

"As long as I'm safe, I might as well read up on what's going on in the world on that quickly approaching newspaper..."

And this concludes the story of spider.

secret 365

I'm secretly doing a 365 project, that thing where you take a photo every day. I'm not telling anybody about it, only the internet.

http://365project.org/plump



_______________________________

Words

My suggestions for new words go here. So far I have only a small number of them.

EUPHEMOID

The root of this word is euphemism, ("the substitution of a frank expression that might offend or otherwise suggest something unpleasant to the audience, for a mild, inoffensive, relatively uncontroversial phrase.") with the suffix -oid, "indicating likeness, resemblance, or similarity."

A euphemoid has the appearance of a euphemism, but is not necessarily a euphemism. A euphemism is a polite way of saying something less polite. For example, one might say "I'm going to powder my nose" when excusing oneself to use the restroom (and restroom is a euphemism for toilet). In this example, a euphemoid would be if somebody excused herself to powder her nose, you would follow her to the restroom, and then find her actually applying powder to her nose. That would be an example of a euphemoid. Another one, though less likely, is if you went into a door marked "restroom", only to find people taking naps on cots. So far, my new word has limited applicability; but we're working on expanding the example base to make euphemoid into a more versatile household word.

E, MER

The english language lacks gender-neutral pronouns. well, not really. We have he and she, and we also have it, but some people seem to think it only applies to lifeless inanimate objects. Nobody knows why this is so, but the belief that it cannot be used for a living human is so deeply ingrained in our culture, it can't be changed. Sure, it's fine for 80% of all english speakers to forget how to spell you're, but the word IT absolutely cannot be used correctly in gender-neutral situations in reference to humans. Maybe it's not PC enough or something. God forbid you call somebody an "it", or you refer to a potential she as a he! No no no, you have to fill up an entire page with a lengthy "he/she". It may be a lot, but at least you're letting the forward slash get a little literary action.

Anyway, assuming i explained that part sufficiently, we can get on with the words. Since one's gender is the first impression you get from somebody upon meeting, it's the first part of the word that is different. For example, with he and she, the difference is the H and SH at the beginning, but the E at the end remains the same. Therefore, the gender neutral he/she word is E.

Why E? why not? We already have two other one letter words, A and I, and two that sound like one letter words, O and U. E is the only one not used. another one letter word can't hurt. E is at the end of he and she, so it's already there. Who cares? Just use e as the gender-neutral pronoun. Come on, do it and get it over with. Your shortened sentences will thank you. It's not like we don't pronounce the H sound in he, because we do pronounce it. This is America, that's how we talk, we say the letter H. He and e will be easily distinguishable. Do you want to make a contraction with is, such as he's or she's? How about e's? You can do it with ease.

What about him and her? As I did in e, I take off the beginning of a word, and use the ending. But wait, him and her end differently. That's fine, I use the ending of both together, and formed mer. That's right, mer is the new gender-neutral pronoun replacing the cumbersome him/her. Want to make it possessive? just add an s at the end, for mers.

You might as well get used to these words now, because they're here to stay. Start using them today. What will your friend think? E will love it! E and mer will go right into mer vocabulary. And find a way to use euphemoid too, that one can have some very interesting applications.

The Blivet

For centuries, Mankind has marveled at the world's most impossible shape, the blivet, a shape unique among all the shapes from around the world. It's more strange than the Greek rectangle, inspires more puzzlement than the Persian semi-circle, and more confusing than the famous three-pronged poiuyt of Rhodesia. Many have tried to construct a blivet. Millions of research dollars were spent, and countless lives lost, but all have failed where none have succeeded. The blivet defies reality, obfuscates comprehension, and spits in the face of reason. Some would say it's plain un-American. Some say it's a waste of time to try to build one of any size, and even a few would go as far as to say that the world-wide obsession with vain attempts at reckoning it is a pox on the community, and a destructive force that ravages the mind. Even a syphilitic pustulence upon logic itself.

The Blivet

But this madness shall be no more! For today, I unravel the secret of the blivet for all the world to see! No more shall this blight on physics damage the mind of mankind! No more will children have to ask why so many lives are lost to the research of geometry! No more will it be impossible to convert two square rods into three cylindrical tubes! Today, I will reveal the solution to mankind's most confusing question!

The following demonstration is not for the faint of heart. If you have a weak stomach, are pregnant or planning to be pregnant, are prone to dizziness, if you have heart problems, or if you are a child or a woman, you might not want to view the mind-boggling episode that follows. Also, do not scroll down if you are on any MAOIs, or if you have sleep apnea, asthma, depression, liver or kidney problems, or if you have eaten in the last half hour. The following demonstration may cause drowsiness, drymouth, nausea, trouble with urination, and sexual side effects.

You have been warned.














































Ok, so here we go. First, make this shape out of play-doh.



Next, insert it into a play-doh extruding device.



And... that's about it. There's your real-life blivet in physical form, right before your eyes. Yup. Enjoy your blivet!