Sunday, May 1, 2011

The Blivet

For centuries, Mankind has marveled at the world's most impossible shape, the blivet, a shape unique among all the shapes from around the world. It's more strange than the Greek rectangle, inspires more puzzlement than the Persian semi-circle, and more confusing than the famous three-pronged poiuyt of Rhodesia. Many have tried to construct a blivet. Millions of research dollars were spent, and countless lives lost, but all have failed where none have succeeded. The blivet defies reality, obfuscates comprehension, and spits in the face of reason. Some would say it's plain un-American. Some say it's a waste of time to try to build one of any size, and even a few would go as far as to say that the world-wide obsession with vain attempts at reckoning it is a pox on the community, and a destructive force that ravages the mind. Even a syphilitic pustulence upon logic itself.

But this madness shall be no more! For today, I unravel the secret of the blivet for all the world to see! No more shall this blight on physics damage the mind of mankind! No more will children have to ask why so many lives are lost to the research of geometry! No more will it be impossible to convert two square rods into three cylindrical tubes! Today, I will reveal the solution to mankind's most confusing question!

The following demonstration is not for the faint of heart. If you have a weak stomach, are pregnant or planning to be pregnant, are prone to dizziness, if you have heart problems, or if you are a child or a woman, you might not want to view the mind-boggling episode that follows. Also, do not scroll down if you are on any MAOIs, or if you have sleep apnea, asthma, depression, liver or kidney problems, or if you have eaten in the last half hour. The following demonstration may cause drowsiness, drymouth, nausea, trouble with urination, and sexual side effects.

You have been warned.

Ok, so here we go. First, make this shape out of play-doh.

Next, insert it into a play-doh extruding device.

And... that's about it. There's your real-life blivet in physical form, right before your eyes. Yup. Enjoy your blivet!