(Inspired by the fact that a spider can run the relative length of a football field in 3 seconds.)
Spider knew he was fast. Very fast. Therefore, he was confident in his ability to properly tend his web, and catch and subdue insects in his web before they have the chance to escape its threads' sticky clutches.
"Blomb!" The vibrations on the strands let the spider know that the web has a new visitor. Spider quickly scurried up the strands to discover a fly, violently thrashing in vain, as it tried to break free.
"Oh, hello there spider!" said the fly, "I appear to be stuck. Do you think you can help me out?"
"Why, of course! I'll be happy to." said spider "Hold still."
The fly patiently waited as spider approached, exposing a sharp fang.
"I assume you're going to use your fang to help me escape." said fly. "Ouch, you accidentally poked me with your fang!"
"That's right." spider hissed. "I'm helping you escape... Escape this mortal coil. Isn't that what you wanted?"
"No!" said fly. "This isn't what I expected at all! I can't die, I have dozens of maggots back home in the poop!"
"Oh, what a cruel, merciless fate this is! Oh, the profane suffering! What kind of sadistic creator would allow this invisible obstacle to block my path, yet does not give me a brain stem sufficient enough to understand what spiders and webs are?"
Spider said, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but this is great from my perspective. I'll be eating for weeks!"
Fly said, "Oh yes, good point. It all evens out in the end.". And he died. Slowly.
Suddenly, spider sensed danger. A gigantic beast was lurking nearby. It was the biggest thing that Spider had ever seen. Spider remained completely still.
The enormous monstrosity approached, and tried to attack the spider with its sharp metallic appendage.
"What? I thought I was completely still!" the spider uttered in disbelief. "How could that thing possibly detect my non-moving hairy black body against the white background of this vast windowsill?"
"Perhaps it saw you blink." offered the dead fly.
"It's possible, but perhaps it was your involuntary twitching, done so inconsiderately I might add, from the effects of the venom I so generously injected into you."
"No matter, I gotta get out of here!"
Spider took off, running away at top speed with his super fast running ability. The fastest running in the world, relative to size.
"I think I'm safe now. Six inches seems like a sufficient distance." spider thought. This time he made certain not to blink.
Now spider remained still for a mind-numbingly long time. It was about five seconds. Suddenly, the 4-pringed metallic appendage attacked again.
Spider was shocked. How was he discovered so quickly?
Spider knew what spider had to do. He ran and ran and ran. Spider ran as fast as he could, for as long as he could endure. Up, up over the wooden sill, up the cold glass wall, dashing at lightning speed up the cold, smooth, barren landscape.
After what felt like an eternity, and exhausted spider realized he had traversed the greatest distance he ever traveled in his entire life. It was about seventeen inches. Spider never imagined ever being able to run this far.
"The foul beast can't possibly find me here!" Spider relaxed, knowing that the grand distance between he and the fork monster could never be violated.
"As long as I'm safe, I might as well read up on what's going on in the world on that quickly approaching newspaper..."
And this concludes the story of spider.
Spider knew he was fast. Very fast. Therefore, he was confident in his ability to properly tend his web, and catch and subdue insects in his web before they have the chance to escape its threads' sticky clutches.
"Blomb!" The vibrations on the strands let the spider know that the web has a new visitor. Spider quickly scurried up the strands to discover a fly, violently thrashing in vain, as it tried to break free.
"Oh, hello there spider!" said the fly, "I appear to be stuck. Do you think you can help me out?"
"Why, of course! I'll be happy to." said spider "Hold still."
The fly patiently waited as spider approached, exposing a sharp fang.
"I assume you're going to use your fang to help me escape." said fly. "Ouch, you accidentally poked me with your fang!"
"That's right." spider hissed. "I'm helping you escape... Escape this mortal coil. Isn't that what you wanted?"
"No!" said fly. "This isn't what I expected at all! I can't die, I have dozens of maggots back home in the poop!"
"Oh, what a cruel, merciless fate this is! Oh, the profane suffering! What kind of sadistic creator would allow this invisible obstacle to block my path, yet does not give me a brain stem sufficient enough to understand what spiders and webs are?"
Spider said, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but this is great from my perspective. I'll be eating for weeks!"
Fly said, "Oh yes, good point. It all evens out in the end.". And he died. Slowly.
Suddenly, spider sensed danger. A gigantic beast was lurking nearby. It was the biggest thing that Spider had ever seen. Spider remained completely still.
The enormous monstrosity approached, and tried to attack the spider with its sharp metallic appendage.
"What? I thought I was completely still!" the spider uttered in disbelief. "How could that thing possibly detect my non-moving hairy black body against the white background of this vast windowsill?"
"Perhaps it saw you blink." offered the dead fly.
"It's possible, but perhaps it was your involuntary twitching, done so inconsiderately I might add, from the effects of the venom I so generously injected into you."
"No matter, I gotta get out of here!"
Spider took off, running away at top speed with his super fast running ability. The fastest running in the world, relative to size.
"I think I'm safe now. Six inches seems like a sufficient distance." spider thought. This time he made certain not to blink.
Now spider remained still for a mind-numbingly long time. It was about five seconds. Suddenly, the 4-pringed metallic appendage attacked again.
Spider was shocked. How was he discovered so quickly?
Spider knew what spider had to do. He ran and ran and ran. Spider ran as fast as he could, for as long as he could endure. Up, up over the wooden sill, up the cold glass wall, dashing at lightning speed up the cold, smooth, barren landscape.
After what felt like an eternity, and exhausted spider realized he had traversed the greatest distance he ever traveled in his entire life. It was about seventeen inches. Spider never imagined ever being able to run this far.
"The foul beast can't possibly find me here!" Spider relaxed, knowing that the grand distance between he and the fork monster could never be violated.
"As long as I'm safe, I might as well read up on what's going on in the world on that quickly approaching newspaper..."
And this concludes the story of spider.
